I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
