Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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