Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have already put on my inside pants.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
