the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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