i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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