yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i think im in europe. pls send help
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
