so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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