1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
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