My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
