all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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