im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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