and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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