I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
