Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well I just put wine in my tea
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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