God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
