Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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