Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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