i would punch a child for taco bell
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
