Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
