I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
