1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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