Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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