My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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