I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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