so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
