I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
