oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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