Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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