I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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