Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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