FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
His nipple licking is glorious
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