you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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