are you so shy because you have an std?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He has the fingertips of a God
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