Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
