Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
