Got a toothbrush?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
