I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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