she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
