last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
did i walk over a car last night?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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