She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
