Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
