i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
