"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My dick has a subreddit
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
