I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize