Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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