I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
