the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
