mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
