i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
as a side note pls kill me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
