guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
