we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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