Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
