so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
