I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
