I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
