Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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