No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Shame - the story of my life.
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