like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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