dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Are we in a gay sports bar?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize