please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
