hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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