how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
