Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize