Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this beer tastes like vomit already
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we should paint friendship bongs
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