i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize