The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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