Apparently you make a good broom.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sext me about skeletons
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
