Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
