Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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