shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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