i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
