i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
