Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
