grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
