My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize