...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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