Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
