My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
