I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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