Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
