Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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