i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
