My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
