dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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