well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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