we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
