Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
