rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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